Friday, December 9, 2011

What have I done?

Really need to get better about checking in on this blog.  I was hoping to make myself a tad bit more accountable by doing this....uh...not so much.

The holidays are fast approaching.  Motherhood is always there.  Mix the two, with two jobs, makes for a busy Kim.  Run, Run, Run.  Last week I actually logged in a 9 mile run.  Tomorrow, I plan on doing it again.  The dark sky, the cold air, me and my makes for a peaceful morning.  Let's just hope I get more than the 2 hours of sleep that I got last week before my run.

I haven't been to good about my training this week.  I have approximately 6 weeks left before the half marathon, which I know that I can do, but I just don't feel like my mind and my body are on the same page.  My eating habits over the last week could use a drastic improvement-but maybe I needed to just get that out of my system.  I want to be a healthy eater, and I want my daughter to also.  I have the control over what goes in our cabinets and fridge, so why do I get upset when I am the one that put them there.  I can't keep everything from my daughter, nor myself, and I get this stuff as an occasional treat.  That's the thing, it needs to be a treat, not an every day thing.

When I started this blog, I was hoping to learn some things about myself.  And I suppose in the last couple of weeks I have.  I have been talking to a good friend lately.  He asked me "What have you done for yourself?" And it's true.  What have I done?  I constantly work and do that for others.  In my day job, I work for an attorney and I am constantly assisting the clients when they can't understand what is going on. I am running the errands in the office-down to the courthouse, over to the bank, then to the post office.  Then when I  go to work at the bar, I am waiting on others.  I am attending to their needs and wants.  With just my job at the bar I am trying to make things easier for my co-workers.  I am always trying to make things better for everybody that I come in contact with-that's just my nature I guess.  Its good in one way, bad on another.  It certainly hasn't gotten me anywhere in way of a relationship...but I suppose that is another story for another time.  So-really, back to the question "What have I done for myself?"

We talked about my running.  I do it for myself.  It is time when I am by myself.  I get so much out of it.  I enjoy the solitude of the dark mornings.  The cold air in my face wakes me up in the morning.  Last week I only had 2 hours of sleep and went out for my run with my friend, and I have to say, that afterward I was so awake and it was the best feeling ever.  I love seeing the sun rise over the Arizona mountains on my return trip.  But, is there anything else I do for myself?  And I think the honest answer, besides the running, is "No."

My daughter is so much a part of my everyday life and my focus is on her-as it should be.  But on the flip side, I get lost in the world going on around me.  It would be nice to spend some time out with a friend when I don't have to worry about bed or bath time.

I suppose I should look at my work out time as time to myself, and it is.  I'm thinking its time to reward myself for my hard work and determination, and not by plopping on the couch with some ice cream.  They say don't reward yourself with food.  It's a hard thing not to do when that was all I had ever done.

I am learning a lot about myself these last couple of months.  I need to realize that I need to take the time for me-and only me-and reward that work that I have done.  I am worth the few minutes, if that's all I can get. Hopefully that will keep my mind in the game and not so far away from it.  It will likely make me a better person, and a better mom.  So from now on, a goal of mine will be to make that time for myself-to enjoy a cup of coffee, a warm bath, or maybe if I am lucky enough, something like a pedicure.    Anyone care to join me?