Friday, December 9, 2011

What have I done?

Really need to get better about checking in on this blog.  I was hoping to make myself a tad bit more accountable by doing this....uh...not so much.

The holidays are fast approaching.  Motherhood is always there.  Mix the two, with two jobs, makes for a busy Kim.  Run, Run, Run.  Last week I actually logged in a 9 mile run.  Tomorrow, I plan on doing it again.  The dark sky, the cold air, me and my makes for a peaceful morning.  Let's just hope I get more than the 2 hours of sleep that I got last week before my run.

I haven't been to good about my training this week.  I have approximately 6 weeks left before the half marathon, which I know that I can do, but I just don't feel like my mind and my body are on the same page.  My eating habits over the last week could use a drastic improvement-but maybe I needed to just get that out of my system.  I want to be a healthy eater, and I want my daughter to also.  I have the control over what goes in our cabinets and fridge, so why do I get upset when I am the one that put them there.  I can't keep everything from my daughter, nor myself, and I get this stuff as an occasional treat.  That's the thing, it needs to be a treat, not an every day thing.

When I started this blog, I was hoping to learn some things about myself.  And I suppose in the last couple of weeks I have.  I have been talking to a good friend lately.  He asked me "What have you done for yourself?" And it's true.  What have I done?  I constantly work and do that for others.  In my day job, I work for an attorney and I am constantly assisting the clients when they can't understand what is going on. I am running the errands in the office-down to the courthouse, over to the bank, then to the post office.  Then when I  go to work at the bar, I am waiting on others.  I am attending to their needs and wants.  With just my job at the bar I am trying to make things easier for my co-workers.  I am always trying to make things better for everybody that I come in contact with-that's just my nature I guess.  Its good in one way, bad on another.  It certainly hasn't gotten me anywhere in way of a relationship...but I suppose that is another story for another time.  So-really, back to the question "What have I done for myself?"

We talked about my running.  I do it for myself.  It is time when I am by myself.  I get so much out of it.  I enjoy the solitude of the dark mornings.  The cold air in my face wakes me up in the morning.  Last week I only had 2 hours of sleep and went out for my run with my friend, and I have to say, that afterward I was so awake and it was the best feeling ever.  I love seeing the sun rise over the Arizona mountains on my return trip.  But, is there anything else I do for myself?  And I think the honest answer, besides the running, is "No."

My daughter is so much a part of my everyday life and my focus is on her-as it should be.  But on the flip side, I get lost in the world going on around me.  It would be nice to spend some time out with a friend when I don't have to worry about bed or bath time.

I suppose I should look at my work out time as time to myself, and it is.  I'm thinking its time to reward myself for my hard work and determination, and not by plopping on the couch with some ice cream.  They say don't reward yourself with food.  It's a hard thing not to do when that was all I had ever done.

I am learning a lot about myself these last couple of months.  I need to realize that I need to take the time for me-and only me-and reward that work that I have done.  I am worth the few minutes, if that's all I can get. Hopefully that will keep my mind in the game and not so far away from it.  It will likely make me a better person, and a better mom.  So from now on, a goal of mine will be to make that time for myself-to enjoy a cup of coffee, a warm bath, or maybe if I am lucky enough, something like a pedicure.    Anyone care to join me?

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

So far?

What was I thinking picking Thanksgiving week the one that I choose to be more accountable.Like I had said before, its always run, run, run in my life-hard to sit around and do nothing, as nice as that thought may be some days.  It definitely made things more interesting.  My body was just not into it-and I could feel it.  That being said...

Last Wednesday I was lucky enough to have off, and I was so excited to get out and run one of my old trails, and found out how much I need to hydrate before these runs.  The temperature was pushing 80 degrees, so not terribly warm, but when your body heats up as fast as it does when you are out running, you lose a lot that water while you are out there sweating. My body felt it.  So that was one thing that I learned.  I got in my  3+ miles, but it was a little rough there for a while.

So here, I sit, a little over a week after I sat here and typed away about talking about accountability.  I am watching The Biggest Loser and thinking to myself about my eating habits.  I watch these people who have taken control of that area in their lives.  They work out hard for the last few weeks and they have lost a great amount of weight.  I am not putting short all the hard work I have put into my past weight loss, but I sometimes wonder why I sabotage my current efforts to reach my goals.  I had hoped that by signing up for the half marathon that it would refocus my efforts, and in some cases, it has.  On the other hand, I catch myself in the kitchen, after Madi has gone to bed, looking for something to snack on.  I have read numerous articles.  I know that I need to keep healthy "zero" foods in my kitchen, instead of the bad go to foods that I have been using.  I am great during the day, but let my  down  time get the best of me.

So-do I lay it out again, for the whole world to see?  Guess it can't hurt, and maybe the more people that see this, namely those close to me, and I'm not talking about their location that can be my support.

1.) Lose another 30 pounds, and seriously tone my body.  I have had people in my life tell me it isn't possible to both of those due to the overweight past that I have had, that it may be something that I just need to contend with.  But again, I go back to watching  The Biggest Loser, if they can do it once they got home from the ranch, why can't I.  I have dealt with my weight issues over the years.

2.) Get myself back to the all day healthy eating that I know I can do, instead of being bad at night.  It's all something I know that I can do.  It's something that I know is possible.

I want to keep the positive people in my life instead of the toxic ones that I have allowed to have to much say regarding my choices.  They are my choices....if you can't accept that, then keep your comments to yourself.  This is something that I have chosen to better the health of myself and my daughter.

There is nothing holding me back except myself.  I have to take control because no one else can.  So here goes nothing.  See you back here tomorrow!

To A Healthier Life!!!!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Here's to my running adventures.   I never thought I would enjoy running as much as I do.  I live in a small town in southern Arizona.  I don't have a ton of trails or places to go running.  I have a very active 6 year old and work 2 jobs, so my time is also limited.  It makes this running thing all that more interesting.

I wake early on Saturdays to get in my long runs.  I love the clarity that I get when I am out by myself running.  My thoughts are free, the air filling my lungs, gives me such an emotional release.
I am currently training to participate in my first half marathon in January, PF Chang's Rock n Roll series to be exact.  There are about  another 7 weeks left in my training, so I am learning new things as I go here.  I am super excited, as well as nervous.  It's my first long distance run, with a great party at the end.